Does low self-esteem affect love and relationships? Yes it does! Can low self-esteem prove to be a major cause for the end of a relationship? Yes, it can! Do you agree with the two statements made above? If yes, then well and good. If no, then you need to be introduced to the harrowing effects and the amount of strain that low self-esteem can render to a relationship. The most prominent signs of low self-esteem include self denigration, anger, dwelling on past events, and other forms of behavior which portray them as trying too hard to impress everyone around them and then losing confidence because they feel that they can never match up to the expectations. In this MissionSelf article, we’ll go through some of the most troubling effects that low self-esteem can have on relationships.
Call it co-incidence, an unconscious rebellion against the law of attraction or a tricky play of fate, but people with a low self-esteem tend to get attracted to similar people with low self-esteem. Since they already have a very low sense of self worth, when they find someone that echoes their own thoughts, they take it as a sign and go forward with what can only be a disastrous result. It’s true that they may get along like a house on fire and know and understand each other perfectly well, but how healthy is it to be in a relationship with someone who thinks he is not worthy of his own or another’s love? And the worst part is they don’t even realize that they are in a self deprecating relationship, because both of them have the same self belittling outlook towards life.
In the case that a person with a low self-esteem is in a relationship with someone who has a high self-esteem, the weaker person automatically assumes the role of a victim and a person who doesn’t deserve any good that is coming his way. This feeling leads to the stronger person in the relationship to assume the role of the caretaker and the protector. While this may be the case even in a normal relationship, the peculiar factor is that with a person who thinks little of himself, it becomes the responsibility of the stronger person to constantly keep reassuring the person that he is not as small as he presumes himself to be and that he is much more than that. A stronger person, because of his high level of self-esteem may find it to be a boost to their ego, but soon, it can progress to the next point mentioned below.
When a relationship reaches its mature stages, that is after about 2 years of being with the same person, the two people in it begin to understand each other properly. The strong person knows that his or her partner is weak and hence fuels his need for attention and support all the time. However, when he sees that nothing that he does is able to help his partner and that his partner is still the same depressed and self-sabotaging person, who refuses to have a bright perspective towards life, there is bound to be a level of frustration building up in him. The methods that he may resort to, to vent out this frustration can turn out be rather disastrous, not to mention detrimental to the essence of their relationship. After all, it makes him feel like he has been inadequate in providing what his partner needed and this can take a toll on his own self-esteem, leading him to take some unwarranted steps and bring doom to the relationship.
Taken for Granted
A healthy relationship can survive only when there is a balance between what is given and what is taken from the relationship. When one person in the relationship has a low self-esteem and thinks that it his duty, responsibility and his sole purpose to only keep giving and giving to the other person, he begins to be taken for granted. The stronger person may see that taking from his partner seems to give him or her a sense of purpose and thinking that this makes him or her feel better, he may begin taking the partner for granted. Both of them may feel that they are right on their part, but what they fail to see is that though they’re both unconsciously getting what they want to believe is better for the other, they are only further cementing the insecurity and paranoia that the weaker person feels about himself.
There are many other ways in which low self-esteem affects relationships, but none of them are positive. Nothing good can come of a person thinking that he or she is not worthy to live or love. So, if you recognize these signs in your partner, help him or her to improve their self-esteem and see life through bright and sparkling lenses!